Suddenly I just have a rush to say some things out. So I might as well do it before I lose this feeling. Guess who I'm talking about? I've given a few answers.
To him, you have no idea how annoying you are. Big time. And I'm not the only one who thinks that.
To him, thanks for making such an effort, even when I didn't like you.
To him, greatly appreciated. Thanks a lot.
To him, you going to do what you said?
To him, advance happy birthday (Cedric Kang).
To him, what I said came to pass. Wake up call?
To him, hope you're doing fine.
To him, God's watching, I'm watching. You're fooling nobody.
To him, its no surprise that happened. Though I am surprised myself.
To him, you suck! (Gary Su, sorry, I just read your old post that said I sucked. Payback!)
To her, I'm surprised about you, seriously, you have no idea.
To her, I'm wondering what's the deal with you not talking to me?
To her, cat got your tongue?
To her, I don't know whether its your fault or a misunderstanding.
To her, I'm sorry. I hope you are too.
To her, thanks for always cheering me up. Everytime. I hope I can return the favor.
To her, thanks for always being concerned about me and practically everyone. I'll never be able to return the favor.
To her, happy belated birthday (Esther Phua, woulda blogged it earlier).
To her, happy birthday, even though we've never breathed a word to each other for three years. I thought I'd be nice on your birthday.
To a certain group of people, you guys have no idea how you make me feel.
To another group of people, you too, don't realize how you make me feel.
To her, you know damn well how you make me feel.
To you readers. I just realized I'm quite hated. Okay, quite a strong word. Disliked? It's quite a surprise when I haven't offended anyone in ages. At least none I'm aware of. So anyone, if I've offended you, speak up! Shout it to me! Show me what I've done wrong to you! If you wanna hate me, have a good reason!
I'm surprised how people don't realize the obvious? Or is it not my fault?
I doubt most of you would get what I'm saying, and who I'm referring to up there.
Nitez anyway. Oh, and happy Canada day too. No kidding.
Chronicled 2:44 PM
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Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Sunday I went for morning service. Although I had barely any sleep, I managed to go through the service without sleeping at all. Thank God, for it was quite an interesting service. A little spin off from antinomianism. Celebrated Esther's birthday after that. So happy birthday and God bless!
After, Joshua's cousin drove Hui Zhen and I to Chua Chu Kang. I needed to head down to Newton to support Sylvia for her concert. Remember I mentioned before that I would support her even after what she did? Well, seems like God wanted me to prove it, because she sent out the details of her concert quite soon after I blogged that. Initially I thought she had accidentally sent it to me, and I didn't think it'd make a difference if I went. Still, I did go after that, courtesy of Jonathan. No details.
So yeah. I went down to meet with the other GT zone members who were supporting her and went off to the place, called Alliance Francaise (HUh? That's French for the French Alliance... right). Well, the concert lasted about two hours, and had quite a bad opening. Sylvia was the last person introed, and her first song was Mr Q by Jolin. Woots, a Jolin song by Sylvia. She pulled it off quite well, and sang better than everyone else. There were four others performing... name's were Joe, June, Vivian and Felicia. Well, honestly, Sylvia sang better than all of them, and had better stage presence than all of them, but Joe was a close second. Not to mention, Sylvia was the prettiest performer. June was a short cute kind of girl and a voice to match her height. Joe was the only guy and he was second best behind Sylvia. Vivian was the tallest girl there, and she did so so. Felicia... this girl, aye, what a person. Let's see... firstly, because Sylvia had the most attention from the audience, Felicia kept trying to butt in during the parts where the performers talked with the audience. When Sylvia tried to talk, Felicia would cut in and steal the limelight. Eurgh. Then being the fattest person on the whole stage, she wore dresses that just made it stand out even more. Geez. Plus, on the ticket to enter the place, it showed pictures of the five performers, and later we realized that the slimmest person shown on the ticket turned out to be Felicia. She had Photoshopped her picture to the extreme! Well, she couldn't hide the fat (I mean fact) when we saw her on the stage. Plus, the last dress she wore looked like a black plastic bag with three holes in them so she could put her head and arms through it. I told this to the others and later we referred to her as "Garbage" or "Garbage Bag" and not her real name. When Sylvia told us about her personality later, well, we could see her personality was closely related to garbage anyway. Wow... quite a rant. Sorry, I just hate it when people do that to my friends.
Well, the entire concert was quite alright. I basically paid to watch Sylvia perform because she did the best out of all of them. Only her talking to the audience was not so good thanks to garbage bag up there. Anyhoo, we went for fellowship at Rose Garden Restaurant at Far East Plaza, the famous restaurant E145 went to so often last time. Still great food as usual, and finally for the first time in close to a year, I finally spoke to Sylvia. And it was as though nothing between us. I did miss not talking to her for close to a year, but finally, I did, after so long. And well, since I think we're friends again, I want to make an apology. Sorry Sylvia for calling you Ice Queen. If I never find out why things turned out like that, well... I can live with that. But I really would like to know too.
Hmmm... Nevermind about that, I think most of you don't know what happened anyway. After our time at Rose Garden, Sylvia, Kwok Weng, Zheng Xuan, Zi Yun and Zi Xiu and I spent some time at Coffee Bean just talking and hanging around, taking pictures and chatting about Sylvia's time with the music publisher. Plus, a lot of talk about garbage bag. Okay whatever, I don't wanna keep mentioning garbage on my blog. We fellowshipped for around three hours before a final time of Sylvia taking pictures with everyone. She messed around with my hair -.-. I wonder what's the deal with people always touching my hair... haha, oh well. It was enjoyable fellowship, and I'm glad I spent it with her again, after so long...
Chronicled 4:41 AM
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Last time I made a post on wrong impressions, and whoa, my blog counter boomed for a few days. So I want to try another similar post. Except this time, it's pictures that make no sense. They just make you laugh. Ready? Enjoy...
Look at Olivia's face... lmao
Eh, advertising Emerge water?
Another Olivia picture. Geez. LOL
Candice doing total Emerge advertising. Yikes anyone?
Look at Isabel's big and scary eyes!
This just looks cute. Look at the height differences.
What's Eleanore so grumpy about?
Cedric, obey my orders! - Isabel
The best two actors GT zone has. Together! In a literal sense.
This I don't wanna know what's going on.
Same goes with this picture.
This picture makes no sense because her hair is standing like mine! I thought only I had that ability!
Hoped you liked those pictures. Meh.
Chronicled 3:47 AM
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Oh yes, remember I nearly got robbed? Took the liberty to get a picture during the morning while walking past it.
Here's where I was nearly robbed. The place they stopped me initially is a few metres to the left of the picture. You can see the road down there, where I jumped off. It's nearly 3m in height, so yeah, the first time I nearly got robbed, I timed my jump and did quite a cool leap off with the robbers panicking.
Here's the road I jumped off to. There's a big drain in front of the road, which you can see. On the second robbery attempt, I didn't time my jump and just leapt off the road making sure I went over the drain, which needed more leg power, which in turn, made me jump higher, and which in turn made my impact harder, and that led to me injuring my leg. Gee whiz.
Oh, and if you guys who did my quiz remember, the answer for "how many clothes do I have" was 50+. Here's pictorial proof.
My shirts on a rack...
My shirts hanging on my bed...
My shirts in a basket...
My shirts on a chair, because I'm too lazy to hang them up somewhere...
My shirts in the drawers. All of them are filled with shirts.
Believe that I have 50+ shirts now?
Just because I don't wear them doesn't mean I don't have them. I like black remember?
Chronicled 3:39 AM
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Bragging rights ahem!
Last week I drove my mom and sister to Kuala Lumpur. Top speed? 150km/h. Woots!
We left at around 5:30am, and my mom guided me to head to the highway. The highway speed limit was 110km/h, but I was a little nervous at first because it was my first time going on the highway so I went at 100km/h. But after about half an hour of driving, I started gaining more confidence and began going at 110, then 120, then 130 and at times, up to 150. My mom didn't mind me going at 120, but when she saw me going at 150, she freaked! I don't blame her. =x
It normally takes 4 hours to drive to KL, but with my speed, it only took 3! Makes you see how fast I was huh?
Once I reached the city, it took me a while to get used to slowing down again... kept speeding on the normal roads, which didn't make my mom very happy. Hmmm... She complains I drive too fast, my dad complains I drive too fast, my driving instructor says I drive too fast. Need more proof I drive fast?
Stayed over one night and took a coach back to JB, and then headed down to Isabel's place to meet up the rest for night cycling. Well, long story short, no bike shops at East Coast open, so we went to Sembawang to borrow some bikes and cycle around while some of us stayed in Eleanore's place to hang around and play games.
Nothing much to note, except Isabel drops hair -.-, because she's too scared of watching people play Fatal Frame II.
Oh, and Candice fell down her bike and injured herself. Ouchies.
Went over to Koh Wee's place after that and learned Mah Jong. Well, an interesting irony, whatever game he's been teaching me, he ends up losing. HA. He taught me poker and lost tons of matches. Then he taught me mah jong and ends up losing in that too. Sorry bro, just gotta brag about that fact. Hmmm... all these gambling games are quite addictive.
Had our music lessons after that. Nothing much to note.
I ended up staying over in his place for the next two nights, going out, playing mah jong and poker (where I kept winning =p) and watching movies. Very fun time over there. Thing is, we didn't sleep much, and coupled with the fact I didn't sleep during my driving to KL till then, I was dead tired when I reached Boon Keng for the masquerade cellgroup.
Well, it began with me giving testimony! Ahh! I was so nervous. The previous day, Michelle asked me to give my testimony. I took about an hour to prepare it. When I sent it to Michelle, she said it was very good. Well, maybe I typed it well, but I sure didn't deliver well. I was nervous and stuttered quite a bit while giving the testimony. So for those of you who couldn't understand my stuttering, here's the manuscript I read from:
Hi everyone, my name's Howe and I'm here to share about how God has changed my life.
Five years back I was a person you would not want to know. I was the typical teen gone bad, where fighting and scolding vulgarities were my daily routines. Along with a bad attitude, my grades were quite bad and I was depressed, which led to me regularly attempting suicide, which to my amazement, failed all the time. Even though I wasn't a real gangster, I lived life as bad as one and had little to care or live for. And people still say I look like a gangster.
Anyway, for me, life had no purpose. My depression kept me in the darker shades of life, and I never saw the point in anything. It was as though I was just living to rot. My regular suicide attempts never succeeded either, and this just led to frustration; that I could not end my pointless life. I never turned to anyone because I didn't think anyone would be able to help, nor did I think they could understand at all. I never prayed nor did I ever cry out, because I didn't think there was anyone anywhere listening.
Then one day a friend brought me to City Harvest Church. I was impressed by the church, but thats about as far as I was impacted. When I was asked to come again, I didn't think much about it, but gradually coming again and again over time, I saw more and more of what it meant to be a Christian. Although I began to know more about Christianity, I still didn't care much about spiritual beliefs and I continued to live life the way I wanted. Life obviously didn't get any better, and it was around this time I broke up with my girlfriend. Plus I had a lot of issues which gave me even more problems.
Even though I hadn't been in church for very long, this is when the my current cellgroup leader at the time, Sher Ling, and some of the members really came and helped me out. They showed me a kind of love I never experienced before and really went out of their way to guide me through those tough times. They practiced what they preached and lived out their beliefs of being salt and light. I didn't show any appreciation, and I still gave a cold exterior, but deep down inside, I was really touched.
After going through that hell of an experience, I wanted to know more about Christianity. Something that could lead people to give so much of their time and effort into my life touched me, and I wanted to know more about them and to be like them. The love they had attracted me, and I longed to know how I could receive and give this kind love. And true enough, they gladly led me to the source of it all, Jesus.
After knowing Jesus personally, life changed dramatically. My outlook on life changed completely and I started socializing more, living out my life the same way I was touched by. I know my looks can't be changed but my attitude and personality did. It becomes really apparent when I meet new friends and they think I look like a gangster. I've even been told that people are afraid to talk to me because they think I'll attack them if they speak to me. Once they do speak up however, they're always shocked to know how a guy who looks like a gangster doesn't act like one. They don't think I can have such a different personality. That's quite true. Only Jesus could have helped me change so much. And I hope others realize how true that is.
I wouldn't be who I am today without the people God placed in my life, so I'd like to thank you all. All of you have made a difference in my life, big or small. I don't need to name you, because apart from the fact I'd take a few hours to name you all, all of you know yourself what you've done for me. My thankfulness is indescribable, and my gratitude is beyond words. Just know that I appreciate what you've all done for me. I may not show my appreciation, but do know that I do see your efforts, and so does God, whom you glorify through your lives.
Above all, I want to thank God for everything He's done and the people He used to guide me to Him. They helped me to realize the love and grace He offers to everyone. Because of Him I no longer live what was once considered my life. But now I can really live what is truly a life. Forever I'll indebted to Him for saving me and changing me so much, to become a better person than I, or anyone else, could have ever imagined.
Nice?
Xin Mei also came. First time I ages I've seen all the Air Ball Girls be in one place. Heh, I've never seen any of you score before...
Saturday in the morning there was a GT youth event. A mini cellgroup of sorts, preached by Chee Kiong. About being in the halfway mark of the year, and how we could improve ourselves on this later half of the year. Basketball and soccer for those more athletic, and studying for those who get air balls all the time.
Well, my team ended up losing the first match and got KO'ed straight away. Don't wanna badmouth anyone publicly so I'll keep quiet. At least I helped to trash another team in a separate basketball match. =x
Service was good, but being a little tired I nearly dropped off to sleep. It was about antinomianism. The seduction of lawlessness. There was a very thorough church-wide bible study on it a few years ago and this time it just served to refresh my memory plus gain a few more insights.
What a night I had after that...
Chronicled 3:31 AM
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Two Saturday's ago was a great day.
Well, it didn't start out great.
First, Eleanore, Juswin and I were seriously late for service.
Well, actually thats the only bad thing that happened. Halfway through, their parents offered to drive us to Expo from Novena. The preaching of the word was great. Titled salting humanity, it really went more indepth of how we should be salt that makes people thirsty for Jesus. It was simple, but it really coincided with the fact I mentioned recently on how Sher Ling was really salt and light and proved it through her words and actions. She practiced what she preached, and the sermon spoke directly to me on that. A simple word but one in season for me.
Later during fellowship, we had like only half the cellgroup because the rest were away or were coming for the next day's service. Last week the fellowship was really dead, even with the majority of the cellgroup. That day however, with half of the cellgroup only, was quite a good fellowship. It wasn't dead like last week, but there was much to talk about and I think everyone enjoyed themselves.
Then someone planned for a last minute chill out, which I hadn't gone for in so long because... uh, nevermind. Only Charlotte, Zheng Xuan, Jonathan and I were the only E145 people who actually made it. The others who went: Jian Yong, Cedric Koh, Sydney, Genevieve, Shi Yi, Martin, Kenneth and some others whom I've forgotten. On board the MRT, chatted a lot of personal stuff with a lot of people. Gee, they found out more about me in half an hour than the months or years they've known me. Went to Clarke Quay's TCC and there was only one word to describe the whole thing, fun! And personal.
The time of fellowship at TCC was beyond words. It really reminded me of the E145 days, because during this fellowship, nothing was hidden. No secrets, no hidden truths, agendas or so. Whatever was asked was answered, whatever curiosity you had about the person, just ask, and you'd find out. It was really a great personal time fellowshipping with everyone and finding out more about their lives, to share all those secrets and to help out on some issues. I mean this was fellowship to the core, and I missed it so much.
Back in E145, just stick any combination of members together and you'd still have a good time with them. In my current cellgroup, stick a certain combination of people and you'd have the most dead fellowship ever. I miss the old unity, because it was really was unity. Deep stuff, not just the surface stuff I usually see now. Sure, I'm glad that I can have this with some of the members, but with some, its just purely on the surface, which E145 didn't have. During the fellowship at TCC, everyone just opened up and spoke freely. No need to worry about people spreading what you've told, no need to worry about backstabbers, no worries about whether the people could help. I do miss it sorely. And I know everyone enjoyed themselves plenty.
Chronicled 3:30 AM
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Saturday, June 23, 2007
Halfway through...
Halfway gone...
Halfway ended...
Halfway there?
Chronicled 2:08 PM
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Your Hidden Talent
You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system. And while this may not seem big, it can be. It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes. You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.
You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others. Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you're just too likeable to elicit jealousy. Progressive and original, you're usually thinking up cutting edge ideas. Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges.
I also injured my leg during the zone camp, during the survival game.
Ouch. My entire thigh hurts when I walk.
So don't mind if you see me limping or walking slow, or if I'm blocking your way when you're behind me on the road, because it HURTS.
Ouchies!
Chronicled 3:09 AM
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You Are a Newborn Soul
You are tolerant, accepting, and willing to give anyone a chance. On the flip side, you're easy to read and easily influenced by others. You have a fresh perspective on life, and you can be very creative. Noconformist and nontraditional, you've never met anyone who's like you.
Inventive and artistic, you like to be a trendsetter. You have an upbeat spirit and you like almost everything. You make friends easily and often have long standing friendships. Implusive and trusting, you fall in love a little too easily.
Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul
During the zone camp, one of the bands sang "Hotel California" by the Eagles. Its quite nice song, but did you know the First Church of Satan registered their name under Hotel California first?
Plus if you play the song backwards, you'll get some Satanic messages.
I made a post about backmasking last time. Here's the website that shows a few examples.
It's been quite an insane week for my last week of school.
Firstly, I have only slept around 2 hours for the last four days. Why?
Let's see...
Monday I was rushing on my 3D animation project, which is a little cute. Remember my angel and devil picture? Well I made an animation out of them... and it was about an angel and devil fighting. The devil wins in the end, and squishes the angel. =x Okay, it sounds bad, but they look so cute, so it still looks cute, even when the angel is squished. =x. It took about half an hour for the whole animation to be rendered and when I get the chance, at least you'll be able to see it on Youtube.
Tuesday I had to stay up to finish my entrepreneurship project. My group's idea initially was to create a digital home design company, where we used advanced technology to create the greatest and futuristic houses. Sounds nice? It gets complicated, because there's only one establishes company we could research on, and this would go into the financial realm of the millions. Quite tough when you're just 18. The idea was given by Xiang Yin, who barely did any work while the remaining three of us helped him out all the way. Then in the end he would come to school only once a week, or even less. Pro huh? So in the end we scrapped the digital home design idea, because it was complicated and the three of us didn't even really agree on the idea. I said "Anything," Yi Quan said "Anything." and Xing Quan said "Okay." And that's how we decided on a very important project. Geez.
We scrapped the idea and wanted to create a new one, which was shirt and shoe apparel design. We tried to tell Xiang Yin but he never came, so we just moved onto the idea without him knowing. When he finally did come to school, he kept trying to persuade us to change back to the original idea, saying he would know what to do and stuff, plus he mentioned again and again that he wouldn't be skipping school for the next few weeks. Yeah right, I only saw him in school once every three weeks after that. This put us in quite a predicament, because wwe had to restart everything from the beginning and the teacher told us we'd lose marks for sure because we'd be passing up certain portions of our project later than expected. Brilliant. Xiang Yin said he didn't want to be a part of our new idea so he said he'd do everything himself. Fine, we kicked him outta our group after trying for half a day, to persuade him to rejoin us. He had all the work we did for him, ready to be passed up on time. Geez whiz.
So while every group had done quite a bit before hand, our group had to start from the beginning. So Yi Quan and I did most of the work, and that's what led to me staying up on Tuesday without sleep. I also had to practice my keyboarding, which I had neglected for almost a week.
Next day was the presentation of my group's business proposal. Our slideshow wasn't very good, but our presentation managed to keep everyone awake, which was not bad, considering the class slept for nearly half of the presenting groups. Yes, our class is united, we sleep together, skip class together (sometimes), and when we clap for the presented groups, we clap LOUD. So finally, all my work was done. My 3D animation was passed up, my entrepreneurship project was done and we presented. All that was left was to present another idea for an invention that would help the elderly.
Went to Koh Wee's house to practice our melodies for keyboarding later, and he taught me poker! No wonder I hear about gambling addicts. Poker is freaking addictive and quite fun. We used poker cards to be our chips and for a guy who learned poker in a few minutes, I did quite well. Tried out some magic tricks after that, a hobby we had a long time ago and was resurfacing again. Went for keyboarding class, where I probably did my worst since joining the class. No surprise there.
Went home and packed up for the GT Youth Camp, the Sozo Experience. Sozo is Greek for wholesome, and the aim of the camp was to teach us about life, love and sex, simply. To live a wholesome life and be morally pure, with no regrets.
Well, Gabriel was the speaker and he taught us quite a bit on those issues. There was quite a lot of info I already knew, but there was quite some info there I didn't know, and I'd say it was quite an enriching experience. It was also the first time I helped out with the powerpoint presentation. Quite simple, plus you see everything upclose on the front row. Not to mention I see how much stuff Martin has to do also. Zzz.
During the session, we were told to write what we wanted in the next year, three years from now, and five years later. Next year I wrote go to poly and so and so. Three years from now I put graphics designer. For five years I was really at a blank so I wrote marriage. Then Gabriel hand picked me from the few hundreds there and asked me what I wanted in five years. Oh man, in front of a few hundred people, I had to say out loud I wanted to get married in five years. LOL. You can imagine the crowd reaction...
Also had a GT zone star session. Had the best singers from the zone perform, plus bands too. Also watched probably the best drama I've ever seen in the zone. Xian Bi and Jessica... and nurse Hui Zhen. Hilarious and good. Not to mention we've got the best slapper performing too! Right Eleanore? Without a doubt, definitely the best drama I've seen ever performed in GT zone.
After that we went off to East Coast, so called our journey to the promised land. Hmmm... while the Israelites had to run from Pharaoh and cross a sea, all we did was sit in a bus running from an engine and cross some roads.
We settled into groups and pitched tents and played some games. Survival was the main game. Light sticks would be on the floor on different people's territories and you have to try and steal them. Defenders would be there to catch you if you were in their territory. Get the idea? Well, the prize was a Mcdonald's big breakfast for thw winning team. My team made an alliance with Cedric's team, so if either of us won, we'd share the meal. Heh! Later on in the game, my team knew we wouldn't win, so we helped Cedric's team win. We purposely "allianced" with some other teams and rushed to attack Cedric's team, then we backed off and let everyone get caught. HA.
Of course Cedric's team won. And we got the Mac meal as reward for helping out. The other teams were stuck with kaya and bread. =p
Zheng Xuan even spoke up about it. He said he'd beat me next time. Yeah, sure. I told him he'd eat kaya bread next time. LOL.
It was around 6am by then, so I ent off to school with Yan Jing (how do you spell her name?) and Ryan. Took a shower in school and went off to do the presentation of our idea to help the elderly. After presenting my part and my group was finished, I promptly fell asleep. After being woken up, I went off back to Woodlands and later Sembawang back to Juswin's place. Aye, I took a long deserved proper shower after the camp and used the com a bit whlie playing with their PS2. Well, while playing Smackdown VS RAW, I fell asleep while playing the game! Geez... So I went off to sleep at 9+. Freaking early.
So finally, after sleeping only 2 hours (mostly in class) in the last four days, I slept 12 hours! So refreshing...
Chronicled 11:00 PM
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Sunday, June 10, 2007
Accountability: It includes being willing to explain one's actions; being open, unguarded, and nondefensive about one's motives; answering for one's life; supplying the reasons why.
As Lee Strobel puts it: Accountability, to be effective, should be invited, never imposed.
To those people with authority, who use accountability as an excuse just to satisfy their curiousity of my personal life, read that. Understand that just because I'm honest enough to open up, not everyone's going to spill out what you want them to tell you because you use accountability as an excuse.
When you invite others to be accountable about their lives, it should be because you care for them. But so many times I see it forced... is it because you just want to satisfy your curiosity? The aforementioned "authority" I mentioned who use accountability as an excuse to ask about my life, unfortunately, don't seem to care at all. Uh huh. Maybe I'm wrong, but time and your attitudes tell me I'm not in a bad position to believe you are just satisfying your curiosity. If you really care, just say it. And mean it. Prove you mean it as well, through your actions and attitudes. The absence of affirmation stings. Reality has shown me that, and I've experienced it quite a bit myself.
When I nearly got robbed the second time, excluding my parents, who actually said out loud that they had concern for me? Who actually publicly said it out? Only one person. One! Only Debbie said it out. And that's quite little, considering how many people know I nearly got robbed. I'm sure people are concerned about me, without a doubt. But the thing is, only one person has told me that. Only Debbie said she was worried for me, but no one else mentioned it. I'm not seeking attention, nor am I desperate for concern. But here's the point I'm bringing across: Never, ever assume that your friends (or relatives) know how you feel about them. Some things are a given, such as loving your family. But it makes a world of a difference when you actually say it out. Go tell your family you love them, meaning it sincerely, and you'll see such a big change. I know this to be true, and I've lived it out.
When I was suicidal five years ago, I had knew many people were concerned about me, because I heard from different sources. But during the first bout of depression, only one person was there to say she cared, my girlfiend at the time. That's a given, I know she cared, but hearing it made me feel so much better, and it made the concern so much more real. When I broke up with my girlfriend, I had a lot of people concerned about me again, but only three people said that they were concerned about me. Others showed it through their actions and expressions towards me, but only three people outright said they cared. Sher Ling, Yun Xian and Joycelyn. Sure, I knew my cellgroup cared, even though they didn't know me very well at the time. I knew that a lot of my class was truly concerned, but only three people stepped out to say they cared. And it made a world of a difference; it strengthened my friendships with Yun Xian and Joycelyn, my two closest girl friends at the time. And for Sher Ling, she showed me what it is to be salt and light to a person. Through her words, affirmation and actions, she was probably the strongest influence that made me stay in church. Salt makes people thirsty, and she showed me love, showed me the kind of love God offered, the kind of love I received and the kind of love I should show everyone else. I thirsted for that kind of love, and she showed it, guiding me to the source: Jesus.
I'm not expecting this treatment, but I'll be honest, I would appreciate it. A little tougher for guys because it does sound quite gay and seemingly, unmanly. However, I think no one would mind receiving it when you need this affirmation. Do I follow this? Not as often as I'd like, I'll admit. I tend to show it through actions and words, but sometimes, I regret not just saying outright that I'm concerned about them. It would make things so much easier, and judging from my own life and others, would make so much of a difference. It doesn't need to be done daily or on a regular basis, but time to time, I'm quite sure you would want to just hear it from someone. And you can be sure, from time to time, you'd want to do unto others what you'd have them do unto you.
Chronicled 10:13 PM
e l e g y
The weekend was exhausting. Let's backtrack a bit... Friday school was optional so I did what any person with brains would do: not go. Instead, I met up with Nicholas and we were thinking of going to RP to eat. Which would be a good thing, if they weren't on holidays. Some courses in TP were on holidays too, so we didn't bother going there. Instead, we headed off to Queenstown to look for his mouthguard and go shopping for sports stuff. Queenstown looks a little better than before, and we just kept eating and eating there. It's like anything that looked tempting we just ate. The Katong Laksa, Mac's sundae, sugar cane, burgers, freaking hot french fries...
Headed down to Jurong Point after that to check out the arcades. I played Tekken 5 for the first time in ages. And I LOST. Freak, some guy came in and challenged me. He won a match and later I won, leading to the final round. He barely beat me with a sliver of HP. Zzz.
Headed off to Isabel's place for cellgroup meeting after that, where we had powerhouse and later, a message by Chee Kiong about being on fire for God. Quite a nice add on after our Emerge conference. Later, we had a hot dog fiesta! In 20 minutes, prepare some hot dogs and arrange them and present them visually and with a speech. Hmmm... we did prepare the hot dogs, while secretly eating the ingredients =x. In the end, my group created a mess of hot dogs, chili, lettuce and toothpicks. And I ended up explaining our hot dogs. What did we call it? The Gate of Heaven. LOL. You needa be there to see how I explained the hot dogs. I think the whole cellgroup can attest to how I explained. Right?
Fellowshipped at a nearby place whle eating, drinking and talking. Upload in Youtube! I want to kill you! Geez, the things people say in their sleep...
Stayed over at Eleanore's place again and Juswin and I played Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly. Borrowed from Isabel, and with no intention of returning it anytime soon (whoops), we played it in the dark. Well, if you don't know, Fatal Frame is a game where you control a person who uses a camera with special powers (a camera obscura) and take pictures of ghosts to excorcise them. You know those scary games where you gotta shoot enemies? Well, this time, you have to take pictures of them and see them upclose! Ghosts, spirits and things that go bump in the night are all norms of the game, where you're lost in a haunted village, which is trying to complete an unfinished ritual where twins are used to appease the gods through a sacrifice of the elder twin killing the younger. Just so happens that you and your twin sister are so lucky to be in this village, at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and that you're the wrong people being used to sacrifice for the ritual is pretty much proof enough that you're in deep trouble. It's a freaking scary game, and there's a warning on the game cover: Don't play alone! How kind.
Next day woke up for service, where Juswin couldn't come because of food poisoning. So I was already late, because Juswin kept the toilet busy... if you get what I mean. Good thing Candice was late too, so I had company on the way to Expo. You know, she gets paid for sleeping and putting make up on other people. That is so unfair. Why can't I get paid when I sleep in class?
Service was about marketplace evangelism. Basically a more thorough sermon of the marketplace message we had last year. Hmmm. Quite interesting to see how history and real life itself shows that without impacting the marketplace, you can't influence others. A very refreshing service, especially after the hangover from Emerge. Had fellowship after that, where only Candice, Gwyn, Reid and I were left waiting for the helpers and Chee Kiong. Fun and nice time heading back after that.
I stayed up the whole night doing my 3ds Max animation. Although I had applied the materials and maps, created the models and objects and put them all in the correct alignment in school, I couldn't open it up using the cracked version of 3ds! AHH! I had to redo everything, which is no small feat, and I had barely begun to start the actual movement when I went to sleep because it was 8am. So I missed the morning service and prayer meeting, and the shopping. Aye, wait till I get my holidays, and I'll be free of these damn projects for a long, long time.
Woke up at around 2pm, where I did a bit more animation, and later played some Fatal Frame II with Juswin. More scares -.-
Oh yeah. When I woke up, I found my wrist was cut... creepy.
Chronicled 10:04 PM
e l e g y
Friday, June 8, 2007
Emerge 2007 has been great. I'm still tired from the hangover from the conference. Four days of power packed meetings and events to instill the fire of God in the youths to impact their campuses. It gets better every year and this year it definitely showed that again, Emerge never fails to impress, instill and impact. Thursday and Friday were full of hype, and very exciting meetings... after all, it was the starting of a great conference to come. Pastor Kong gave messages that really gave us the passion to make a difference, to create a church without walls and we left from the hall on those two days full of hype and energy. However, Saturday evening was really deep. You could say the main theme on Saturday was love. No hype that day, but it was really full of deep love... for God, for our brethren in Christ. Not to mention a proposal in front of 10 000 people makes love quite an obvious theme. Plus the touching moments between our senior pastor and Sun. I'm quite sure there were very few dry eyes. Sunday morning was a light service with a drama but the evening, the finale, was great. Hype at first, and later, another deep and impacting meeting. Pastor Kong preached about the trumpet, passed down from generation to generation, until it reached us. The trumpet is in our hands. I can't explain the Emerge conference very well. It's something you have to experience in order to understand the true extent of the impact.
Doesn't stop me from listing a few things to note though... such as:
We had the parade of schools, where campuses and clusters did a cheer and performance to showcase their hard work over the last few months.
Played basketball in hall 7. This is the only time of the year we'll be able to play basketball with complete strangers who are members of our church. I also made my first dunk. Woots!
Liu Geng Hoong proposed to Vivi Wang while singing. In front of at least 10 000 people, he bent down on one knee and asked her if she would marry him in Chinese. Obviously it was a yes, and they both hugged and sang for the whole church.
Tank came to sing also.
Faye from FIR also came. Her boyfriend too.
So did Daren and Diya, the Project Superstar finalists.
One of the best drummers in the world came to perform too.
Last year Taufik Bastisa came. I was half expecting Hady Mirza to come also. =/ He didn't show up though.
Um, was Milk there? I kinda lost track of how many celebrities appeared for this years Emerge conference.
I like squeaky girl! She was second place in the beauty pageant. I don't know how she lost... Her name's Kelly Tan ot Tian. F10, F10! She's got a boyfriend already though... zzz
Reid was second place for manhunt too.
Jian Fong was the preaching challenge champion, beating nine others!
I wonder why everyone I supported ended up being second place?
Aye, just know that it was chock full of fun, hype, celebrities, love and God.
Oh yeah, it also marked the first time I put on make up. Jessica, now my make up artist, put eyeliner and mascara to make me look gothic; and I quite liked the results. Hmmm... I think I'll be buying my own eyeliner?
Chronicled 1:58 PM
e l e g y
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Had keyboarding lessons yesterday. I'm glad we're done with chords for now and moving with melodies. At least it sounds like decent music, plus I find it way easier than chords. Well, due to my dad being worried about me walking home every night, he's given me an extra RM5 to take a cab back from Kip Mart back to my place, instead of me walking the long road home. Honestly, I don't mind walking, but I don't mind taking a free cab ride either. Plus, it keeps me free from robbers.
Anyway, school yesterday was quite tiring. Our 3ds Max animation was supposed to be passed up on Monday but I'm not done. Entrepreneurship isn't done all the way either. JCS has just been finished. Aye, I can finally start to take a relaxing breath as my holidays come closer.
Yesterday I also was SMSing someone for nearly the entire day. Had a long chat, and deep stuff was mentioned aplenty. I haven't sent those kind of SMSes for years, and it feels strange to message those kind of things after such an absence. Such honesty, openness, regret. Two years since I've made those kind of remarks. Two years since I've been that deep with someone. And of course, the same recourse happened again. Is is for better this time? Or for worse? I don't know... I'm still freaking confused.
Kept SMSing that person till I reached Malaysia and took the bus back to Kip Mart. Had a cute girl sit beside me and eventually fall asleep lying on my shoulder. I was dead tired too so my head was slightly lying on top of her head. If you were a passerby watching, you'd think a couple had just fallen asleep together. I was too tired to care and she didn't seem to care either. I'll be honest, it did feel good having her cuddle on me while we were both sleeping. Haven't had anything of the sort in five years and sometimes I do miss it. The times we spent together, in the same position this stranger was sleeping on me. Having someone cuddle on you for half an hour when you're dead tired is really comfortable, and I just felt very relaxed with her lying down on me. With my leg still in pain and being dead tired, it was really an enjoyable bus ride back, due to whoever she was...
Reminds me of her... 5 years ago...
I'm also itching to play basketball again. I haven't defeated anyone in TP for quite a while and playing it a bit in Expo Hall 7 made me want to play it again soon. Maybe I should do something stupid this Friday: Play basketball with a badly injured leg. I think I'll go TP and play because no one has beaten me there yet. Not to mention I haven't seen any of the air ball girls play either.
Chronicled 1:45 PM
e l e g y
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Okay, so wondering how I was nearly robbed again huh?
Here's what happened...
On Monday I overslept for school, and so went for dinner with Eleanore's family at Causeway Point, eating Japanese food. We did a little shopping after that, where I chose a chain which I want to replace the nylon necklace I have, which was in turn, paid for by Eleanore's parents as a late birthday gift. Appreciated! Eleanore bought herself a new hi-tech watch and Juswin bought two sets of cross necklaces, partly inspired because I have a cross necklace myself. And so does most of the cellgroup. On a side note, I have the most gothic cross designs of anyone in GT zone. And even Adriel can't beat me in cross designs. Although he trashes me in everything else gothic...
After our stroll around Causeway Point, they drove me back to the checkpoint and I went off home. Took a bus to Kip Mart bus stop and took my usual route home. When I reached the entrance of the dark short cut, I briefly looked around the area to make sure there were no suspicious characters or any motorcyclists. Especially retarded ones. It looked empty, so I took the dark short cut back home again. Well, I said it "looked" empty. But it wasn't. A few moments of walking into the dark short cut and a motorcycle came from the Mewah Ria 4/5 area. Like I said, mostly vehicles just zoom pass me, with the exception of the retarded robbers. And that day, there was another exception. The motorcycle had two people sitting on it, and I instantly recognized them as Malays, and guess what? THEY WERE THE SAME ROBBERS. Crap, I was a quite a far distance from the lamp post where I could jump off into the other road, but I was way too far from the coffeeshop behind me to escape. No cool escapes this time, no casual talks while laughing at them in my head as they accuse me of being a liar. This time, they really tried to rob me.
It slowed down in front of me and one of them shouted, "Hey brother!" Geez, I half expected him to add on "Remember me?" but jokes weren't really in my head as they stopped right in front of me and the passenger jumped off to get at me. I couldn't be cool and jump off the road this time, because the previous time, the edge was right behind me and I timed my jump carefully so I wouldn't get injured. Not to mention I looked way cool dropping down into the other road like that while the robbers were shouting at me. I don't know whether they had failed robberies aplenty or they read my blog, but somewhere along the last three weeks, they realized they were retarded and changed plans instead. No more all talk, no action. Now it seemed to be: rob first, run later.
I was literally trapped. I was wondering what to do as the guy who jumped off came closer and the motorcyclist circled around to block my path from running back to the coffeeshop, even though it was very far away. My only choice? Run. I was carrying a hell lot of clothes in my bag, due to my 4 night stay at Eleanore's place, so my bag was pretty heavy, not to mention I had just eaten a freaking huge meal at the Japanese restaurant and I was still quite full walking back. Either I somehow gained a boost of speed or 20 year old Malay robbers are slow, because I dodged out of his way and ran toward the lamp post, where I could hopefully jump down to the road again. This time he didn't just stay there and shout; he continued to chase after me. And this time the motorcyclist followed too. Damn, how could I outrun a motorcycle? I didn't stop to think because I was carrying quite a lot of valuables. Koh Wee's and my own external hard disks, a lot of clothes I doubt the robbers could pay for with decent jobs, my Motorola RAZR, and a wallet, filled with cash and with an ATM card my mom recently gave to me. Hell, if they robbed me this time, they would earn a lot more than when they tried to rob me the previous time.
I managed to outrun the guy who had jumped off the motorcycle and I don't know whether it was the trick of the eye or I saw a hallucination, but I saw a flash of silver as he ran, which makes it quite safe to assume he had a knife. Great, a knife wielding ex-retard was chasing me. Although he was slow, the motorcycle was anything but. The motorcycle sped up very close to me but I could see he was having a hard time getting the motorcycle onto the pedestrian walkway. This is the only time I'll praise the Malaysian government for being so stingy on terrible road conditions. If they had made the road nice and flat, the motorcyclist could have gone up and caught me straight away. But thank God for a lousy government, because the road conditions were terrible and it prevented the motorcyclist from coming up the pedestrian walkway, which I was running on. This gave me an edge, and it wasn't long before I reached the lamp post and the road which I jumped before. Last time I comtemplated the jump and jumped down in a very cool way purposely to spite them and make myself feel a little cool for the night. This time I didn't even care how far the jump was... I was running from two damn robbers who realized they were retarded and I needed to get away from the motorcycle... fast! So I took a leap (of faith) (I wish) once I reached the edge of the lamp post. The distance from the dark short cut to the road below is over 2 metres high. Doesn't sound too high? Well try jumping off with a super fast running speed and a freaking high jump over the edge. I probably jumped and landed 2.5m down below. Wham! I hit the pavement and continued running, and this time the motorcyclist stopped. His friend stopped too, and got on the motorcycle, both speeding off extremely fast. I was still running after I landed, and I saw they were taking a route which would lead them down here. It was long, but they had the speed and the jump had injured my leg. Badly. Each step was gruelling pain and I had to cut off into a new road to avoid the motorcyclists coming through the Mewah 3 area. No simple task when your leg is huge pain, you've just outran a 20 year old guy holding a knife and you've just barely escaped a motorcycle by jumping 2.5 metres down.
Let me tell you, Taman Bukit Mewah is no small area. The fact that there's Mewah Ria 1, 2, 3, 4 and with all the 1/1, 2/1, 3/1, 4/1 all the way up to 9 gives you an idea how big this Taman is. I only know the 4 area, because that's where I live. A nearby condo I used to live in is 2, but its very far from 4, and I haven't been to that place in nearly four years. I knew the robbers would come soon so I quickly cut in some dark alleys to avoid them. I don't know whether that was smart, because most of those alleys were dead ends, and they were really dark, even with all the houses nearby. Apparently those alleys did keep me safe from the robbers though, because I didn't catch any glimpse of them and I avoided the 3 area for about half an hour. The problem was, I only knew the 4 area, and I wound up in the 1 and later, 2 area. I was lost! I slowly went from 2/1 to 2/2 and so forth, until I reached the 3 area and finally found the 4 area, where I quickly ran back home, even in the midst of my leg injury.
I told my parents about this issue, and they were quite worried. What I didn't say was the previous attempt where I first encountered them. I didn't need to worry them more. The good thing was that my parents were interested in finding me a place to rent in Singapore again and the fact that most of the family doesn't stay in the house means it won't be much of a loss. My mom also found a friend who can let me stay in Pelangi. It's not brilliantly safe, but at least its nearer to the checkpoint and its very accessible.
Well, I hope I don't get another event like this again. In fact, it was mostly my fault this happened. Wondering why? Go to my spiritual blog and you'll see.
Chronicled 9:36 PM
e l e g y
Nearly got robbed again.
By the same retards.
Except this time they weren't so retarded.
And I ended up spraining my leg. Ouch.
Details tomorrow.
Along with a post on Emerge 2007.
Chronicled 1:50 AM
e l e g y
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Emerge has just ended. I'll make a post on it soon.
Right now I'm trying to clean off the mascara on me. Not as easy as I thought it would be. Eyeliner is easy to wash off though.